Thanks

Our eyes are full and our hearts are over flowing,

as we think about those hard days

when you changed all of our lives,

with your decision to give your daughter

the best life you could.

We will never forget

and we'll make sure she always knows

her happiness was more important

than your pain.

It would not have happened if you did not love her

as much as you do.

We can't wait to celebrate her first year with you.

Trick or Treat Gggrrhh . . . .

Happy Halloween!!

My first Halloween

All the kids, all the candy

I just can't wait

Do I look scary?

I think I can do this

Charlee Playing

Here is a really small video of Charlotte playing with some cars she found at her Grandma's House.

Don't Complain Here

I was blog hopping and came across this post:

what not to say to birth parents

This is Andee's blog, a birth mother who placed her baby for adoption a little over a year ago.

One of her points was this:

4. If you are married, pregnant and parenting this baby, do NOT complain to a birthmother OR an infertile couple, about your pregnancy.

(I want to add do not complain about being a mom either.)

This really hit my heart, and I felt the tears running down my face.

I hope I can explain all the feelings I have had about this.

What a lot of people don't understand is that for the birth parents and the adoptive parents there is a loss, a true grief about the situation.

Since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mother,,

I wondered about being pregnant about experiencing the birth of my baby.

When I got married I thought about sharing that experience with my husband.

I hoped our babies would have his blue eyes and his cute smile.

You know, all of those dreams you accumulate over the years.

Along the road, we had to bury these dreams;

we had to let go of the expectation our children would be born to us.

This is where the loss and the grieving comes in for adoptive families.

We have to give up a lot of control and accept what we cannot control.

We don't know when or if we will get to be parents.

In talking to many birth parents, over the last 3 years,

I have learned they also have to let go of the dream of being the mother.

They have to morn the loss of being with the baby every day, of being the caretaker.

There loss is HUGE, their loss is a piece of their heart.

Because of the love they have for their child they are able to look past their own hurt

to find what is best for the baby. They are a true parent in every way.

A Birth parent chooses what is the best for their baby, even if it causes them lots of pain.

Sure there have been times when I said, are you kidding?

Charlee just did what

and now I have to stop what I am doing or what I wanted to do to take care of something.

But guess what?

I am always grateful for these moments,

because it reminds me I am her mom,

I get to do this.

I had to let go of the dream of being a mother for awhile,

not knowing if the chance would ever come a long.

So everytime I get the chance, I love it.

I do not take it lightly;

I cherish it because I know this opportunity is a miracle.

One of my friends, Joni,

placed her son for adoption 9 years ago.

She has since married and now has a son that is almost 2 years old.

As a birth mother, someone who suffered the loss of motherhood,

now that she has the chance.

she cherishes it and does anything and everything for her son.

I have never heard her complain about the hard days.

This is true with the adoptive mother and birth mothers.

They have a deeper respect for motherhood,

because they know it comes at a price,

it isn't a burden or a chore; it is an honor

to be able to be a parent.

I know most mom's out there really do respect motherhood,

I am just trying to help you understand

why this is a sensitive subject for us involved in adoption and infertility.

So if you feel like your pregnancy is uncomfortable,

or harder than it should be.

Or if you feel like your children are cramping your style,

or in the way of your goals and slowing you down,

find someone else to complain to.

You will not find any sympathy from us,

we know too many people who would gladly trade you places.

Why didn't anyone say something?

To say the least the last month of my postings have really lacked of pictures of Charlee. No one said anything, I didn't notice. Sorry.

Hello, do I really think you come here to read my stories or to see Charlee, I am not dumb I know it is to see her cute little face. Here are a few of my favorite pics from the last month. She is growing so big, I just can't get over it.

She is getting busier all the time, every thing is something for her to play with

She plays in the cupboard

Charlee plays in the laundry basket

She plays with her food more than she eats it.

And if she can't play with something, she will give you this face.

Charlee loves to play with the tissue box, it keeps her busy for at least 5 minutes, she has even figured out how to sit on the box and still get the tissues out.

She loves to eat what we are eating, but not what is on her tray or in her bowl.

Everything looks better in a basket.

And even though it is less and less all the time, she does enjoy a good nap.

Now, there you have it the latest on little Charlee and how she is growing and changing everyday.

The MINI Van

Okay, so a couple months ago, I told you that we were going to rent a minivan, and how I thought I might die. Well, I am happy to report I didn't, and I have the proof right here. Now, I know there are a couple of you that read this blog that are in love with your minivan. It was a humbling expirence to learn a few good things about the minivan world.

First of all let me tell you we had a 2008 Chrysler Town & Country Minivan that had about 6000 miles on it. So we were set up for a sweet ride.

I will admit there was a lot of nice features of the van that made our road trip to Vegas very convenient and comfortable.
I LOVED how all the doors auto opened and closed with just a push of a button, there was no need to slam the doors, they did it all by themselves.

I LOVED the storage space in the van, since we are over-packers by nature this was a great feature. However I could easily see how if you owned a van there could be treasures lost in the many hideouts that you would never see again.

And there were a couple of myths about minivans that I am happy to report are myths.

The first: Some people can look good driving a minivan, and if you want to look a little frumpy, when you are in the minivan no one is shocked. So either way you are covered.

The Second: THEY HAVE BLINKERS, (signals), you know those lights on the end and side of the vehicles, they aren't for decoration they really do work. I know can you believe it? I was shocked to learn this, since I had never before seen anyone driving a minivan use their signals.

The Third: My Pink CD sounded pretty good in the van, and the speakers spread out further than in my Lancer OZ, and I have to admit sounded good. You can rock out in a minivan. (Although people driving by wouldn't believe it, they would think you were just yelling at your kids.)

The Forth: They can do more than 60 MPH on the freeway. It didn't even kill the gas milage. For real people, are you listening? I am not kidding this is not a joke, I got this bad boy up to 90 more than once by "accident", and he loved it. Don't be fooled by the way you see other people driving, these things do have guts.

To summarize my review, minivans are great for long distance travel. Next time we plan a long distance road trip I am sure we will be renting another. There will however not be a mini van in my name, I need my little car that can get in and out of places fast, I have a reason not to participate in the carpool, (limited space), and I would probably loose Charlee in one of the hundred hiding places. I hope you learned something from my experience, and I promise not to laugh when you tell me you are buying one for your family.

Moving Day

After a bad experience in my first booth rent salon, I went searching for another place to start over, there was a lot of options, but nothing that seemed to fit. I walked into Salon By Design in Murray and they were so friendly, busy and I loved the way the place was decorated. The owner Pat showed me around the salon, in her jean capri pants and flip flops, she was nice but very matter of fact. This was her new business and she was taking care of everything. It was a good fit, I had a good feeling about it, so I moved in my stuff and started working.

My first day working there, I got a ticket on the way to work, and it was only 5 minutes from my house. Hair Stylists are flaky, so there was a lot of different people who came and went, the last 10 years, oh, the stories I could tell you. The ego's, talking about personal things, borrowers, the crazies, thankfully there was always a few nice, stylists that evened it out. I don't know if I could even stop and count all those people who came and went. To say the least it was always entertaining there.

We have had lots of fun, with the Christmas parties, summer parties, showers, birthday's and just talking and laughing. You can learn anything about everything in a salon. Oh, all those conversations.

But over the last couple of years, things have changed, the decorations changed, the colors changed, even the floor changed and it just didn't feel as good anymore. This is how it looks now.

I am awake thinking about all of this, all the things I have learned there over the years, all the hours I have spent there, and all the people who have touched my life when they walked through the door.

In a couple of hours, I am heading out the door with boxes, picking up my stuff. My last haircut in that chair is finished, no more using the shampoo bowels, no more mixing my colors over the washer. The time has come to move on.

The updated decor, has faded, the businesses around us are gone, it is not a place where my business can grow, so I need to move on, I have to move on, there is nothing more I can do there. I need my business to grow, I need to move on.

My heart is breaking, I have been in tears all week, I grew up there, I lived my twenties with that salon in my life. I am going to miss seeing my friends every week. It just isn't easy, but I know we all experience this at different times through our lives.

I am excited for the new things happening, I can't wait to share them with you, but right now, today, I am letting the old things go. Change - what a word!!

Messes

All of a sudden, my life seems to be about cleaning up messes. And most of them are mine, not hers, but its all fun for her. So we pause now to clean up, I'll be back with all sorts of great stories and pictures or something. Hopefully sooner than later.

Here we go again

Last week, I didn't post about our weekly adventures, because our plate was so full I didn't even have time to look at our options. Although I am happy to report that after 10 months of attempting, I did actually get my car sparkling clean, in every little corner, even under the seats and it is my new favorite room of the house.

Also Charlotte and I spent most of our time going in and out of local businesses trying to get donations for our FSA picnic we had on Friday. We did end up with 11 donations, but it took a lot of asking to get that.

This week we have lots planned. And I am so excited.

Monday we are going to visit my sister Ashlynn and we are going to

Treehouse Museum in Ogden

Later this week we are going to hit these spots.

Utah State Fair

Features of the 2009 Utah State Fair include exhibits, cooking contests, clowns, carnival rides, family fun contests, evening concerts, and rodeos. "Utah's Own" food court features Utah-based businesses dishing up home-grown food. Food, rides, and concerts cost extra, so bring cash or an ATM card. This year's concerts/performances include Peter Breinholt, 38 Special, Bucky Covington, Boys II Men, and others. Discount tickets for admission and for ride wristbands are available at Smith's Food and Drug checkouts. Check the fair's website for other discounts/offers. 801.538.8400 http://www.utah-state-fair.com Ongoing Daily 9/10/09 - 9/20/09; check with location for exceptions. Ages: All Ages Time: Sun-Thu 10am-10pm; Fri & Sat 10am-11pm Cost: Adults $8, Children (6-12) $6, (5 and under) free; Parking $6 (cash only)

Book Baby

A fun-filled sharing experience for babies and their caregivers.
801.594.8611
http://www.slcpl.org
Ongoing Each Tue, Thu; check with location for exceptions.

Ages: 0-2
Time: Tue & Thu 10am
Cost: Free

Plus Charlee and I are going on a road trip . . . I'll tell you all about it next week.

Borken Record

I feel like a broken record saying this, because I am sure I told you this too many times. But I am so behind with everything. I would leave you a list of everything I am behind on, but that would take time away from the list. Why does this keep happening and When am I going to fix it?